
moms helping moms:-)
I finally caught up with some of the Oprah episodes on my tivo and I saw the episode about interventions. Of course the one that stood out to me was the mother with the alcohol problem. Her and her family were featured on the A&E show intervention and clips from the show were aired. There were clips of her drunk many times in front of her children, I shook my head in sadness. This is the second time that I’ve seen the topic of drunk moms on Oprah’s show. On her previous show one of the mother’s who had overcome her alcoholism said the pressures of motherhood drove her to drink. She began drinking socially with other mom friends and the wine became and escape for her and she just spiraled down.
I took a moment to think, can the pressures of motherhood really be that bad? My personal answer to that is YES, they can! Motherhood is the only job that I’ve encountered that comes with no instructions. No classes, no 24 hour help line, no customer service reps in India waiting to read pre-determined responses off an index card. The person you are in charge of cannot speak for the first 2 years of your job so you never get an accurate take on what you’re doing right or wrong. It is almost like being put on an island that you have to figure out how to navigate all by yourself while your tour guide is actually relying on you!
The good thing about that island is your allowed a phone. You have a wealth of women who have been on the island got off, and got back on. Their support and help can be the difference between you sinking and swimming. I have to wonder the mother’s who turned to drinking, was that in lieu of support from other moms? Where there no moms available to them? Where they to embarrassed to admit they were clueless? Where the other mom’s not willing to admit that they too were having or have had difficulty? Any of those or all of those could easily be the case.
Being a mother gives you the ability to nurture more than just your baby. New moms need experienced moms for guidance. I know that without my network of mothers and books my pregnancy and early journey through motherhood would have been a lot more difficulty. There are to many things that go on with your body during pregnancy, with the baby after delivery, with your relationships during both, for you not to have someone to talk to. I know that at times we like to look like we have it together and we have it all figured out. Putting on that image, may make someone feel worse about the fact that they can’t get it together. If you really do have it all together then by all means don’t suppress it to make those of us who don’t, feel better! However, if you don’t, your willingness to open up may help another mom turn to you instead of something harmful to her. I have far given up the idea that being the perfect mom is attainable. My images of motherhood before actually being a mom were so deliriously tainted by sheer lack of knowledge. If I would have known the meal I spent 3 hours in the kitchen preparing would end up being thrown on the floor just as quickly as the PB&J sandwhich I would have not dreamed of elaborate mealtimes. If I would have known that all of my tops would have food, barf, poop, and/or juice on them, I would not have dreamed of being such a well dressed mom. Had I known that my fingers would always be in my sons mouth, and drool would always be in my hair. I would have not imagined myself with perfectly manicured nails and looking as fabulous as Halle Berry post baby. That is just not my motherhood reality. The sooner I accepted it the sooner I was able to let it go. Going to gymboree and seeing 80% of the other moms in clothes that have been “accessorized”, ponytials, and bags under their eyes from no sleep gave me comfort and comradory (according to my spellcheck this is not a word but I belive it is!). I knew I was not alone, I’m doing all right, and I’m not going to break my kid. Sometimes that is all that’s needed to get you through another day, that and kisses from that beautiful baby that is causing all of this self reassessment.
Being an experienced mom makes you one of the cool varsity cheer girls. Take some time to help the JV squad prepare for the homecoming spotlight:-)
I’m actually going to do a big thank you to my varsity mentors! Lord knows they deserve it for taking my calls at all hours of the day and night with the most mundane questions and comments. My nursing mentor was clearly the captain! Nursing (for me at least) required much more pep talk than anything else!
Thank you: Vanya, Tamar, Janelle, Coriya, Natalie, Mom, Lisa S.,Katrina, and all the gymboree moms! Super special thank you’s to my dad and my sister. Funny that my dad was actually quite helpful!
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